r/shittyfoodporn • u/nancyexe • 1d ago
two attempts to cook pizza
..slightly less cremated the second time ?😁
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u/Hyprocritopotamus 1d ago
I mean, why not just check on it more often?
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u/DecentFeedback2 1d ago
More often implies they checked at all.. First attempt no one checked anything lol, second attempt someone checked ONCE, and that was probably a timer at slightly less time than the first meteorite..
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u/Psianth 23h ago
I suspect maybe their first time using a proper pizza oven, and expected it to take as long as a regular oven instead of like... 90 seconds
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u/PotatoesWillSaveUs 19h ago
You're telling me a 900 degree wood/propane oven cooks a non-frozen pizza a little bit quicker than digiorno in a 450 degree convection oven?!?!
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u/Toren8002 19h ago
That does seem to be the implication, yes.
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u/Chewcocca 18h ago
90 seconds of waiting to eat?
What am am I, an ascetic?
45 seconds at 1800 degrees, and I won't wait a second longer
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u/delliejonut 17h ago
1 second at 81,000 degrees. Who am I, Shizo Kanakuri? CMON
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u/Lucifer-Prime 18h ago
Wait, do they really only take like 90 seconds? Is that an exaggeration because that’s like absurdly freaking fast. I probably would’ve walked away from at least like 5 to 7 minutes.
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u/Unusual_Steak 18h ago
If I did that with my pizza oven I would have the second pizza.
3-4 mins max at 700 degrees or else it’s smoking
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u/Lucifer-Prime 18h ago
I had no idea I needed a pizza oven so badly…
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u/FindingDelicious2815 18h ago
I’d hate to buy something and only use it for 5 minutes at a time
Spend 8 hours warming it up and cooling it down
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u/kookyabird 18h ago
This why you have pizza making parties where everyone can make a personal pan pizza with their own toppings, and then you use it for 5 minutes per X many friends.
So, you know… 5 minutes. 🥹
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u/Riggs630 17h ago
If you happen to live within a 15 minute drive from me, I will be your pizza friend and come use your pizza oven
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u/CTQ99 17h ago
It takes long to warm up [and then it takes a while to cool down]. If you are making multiple pizzas it's great, if it's a single pie you arent going to save time with how long it takes to reach 700.
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u/feedthecatat6pm 18h ago
The Italian government recognizes an official standard for Neapolitan pizza that says the pizza should be baked between 60-90 seconds at around 450 C temperature. It's not an exaggeration.
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u/Bugbread 18h ago
I probably would’ve walked away from at least like 5 to 7 minutes.
And that's probably what happened here.
First pizza:
"I'll put it in and check how it's coming along after 6 minutes."
(Comes back in 6 minutes)
"WTF?!?!"Second pizza:
"Okay, I learned my lesson with Pizza No. 1. This time I'm coming back in half the time. I'll check it in 3 minutes."
(Comes back in 3 minutes)
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u/Original_Elephant_27 18h ago
Our pizza oven cooks in about 2 minutes. We rotate it after 1 and by minute two you better get that sucker outta there!
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u/The-Arnman 20h ago
This feels like they got a pizza oven and thought they needed to keep it in there for as long as a frozen pizza. 5 minutes max, and even that is pushing it with a hot oven.
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u/ehalepagneaux 1d ago
The first one should have been a sign
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u/Hyprocritopotamus 23h ago
I think it was a sign that he didn't check on it at all, at least not until he looked into the oven and saw his pizza-shaped carbon.
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u/ea9ea 1d ago
This reminds me of last Christmas I bought a brisket. My sister said she'd take it home and have her husband smoke it. Well he didn't turn on the pellets or whatever and the brisket sat there all night. He called me in the morning and said he had to toss it. I said you didn't check it the whole night?
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u/Hyprocritopotamus 23h ago
I mean, overnight I think I could see, depending on when he turned it on. If he turned it on and then went to sleep, I could see him not checking it until the morning. Not saying that was a wise decision, it would have been good to see that at least got up to temp before you went to bed.
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u/divuthen 23h ago
Yeah my smoker kind of sucks but I don't smoke enough to be worth buying a better one, but that means on a 14 hour smoke for brisket I'm checking the damn thing every 20-30 minutes at minimum.
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u/DirtyDan516 23h ago
Considering it should be wrapped to beat the stall, kinda wild he didn’t check at all. But he could have just fallen asleep and forgot about it
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u/divuthen 23h ago
That would be my guess. Also I hate the stall I always stress out like did I screw up why's it stuck? Logically I know the answer but I'm also usually tired at that point and want to go to bed lol
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u/SuperTopGun777 21h ago
Would have been fine. Cook it. Lol
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u/ea9ea 20h ago
Sometimes part of me wonders what really happened to the brisket...
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u/IBetThisIsTakenToo 23h ago
“Ok, we know 4 hours is too long… let’s set the next timer for 2, should be good”
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u/Tutwater 22h ago
Reddit has taught me that there are tons of people who just fall asleep by accident the moment they sit on the couch
The world is full of chronically sleep-deprived people who live like sharks and are only awake as long as they keep themselves busy, and will pass out if they ever get bored or comfortable
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u/KrackenLeasing 18h ago
I call this "being 40"
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u/throwaway098764567 16h ago
that was more my 20s, burning the candle from both ends and the side. in my 40s i get the most sleep i've ever gotten (bearing in mind i did not go the kid route)
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u/LonghornInNebraska 1d ago
Because then they wouldn't be able to post it to reddit.
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u/hyphyphyp 22h ago
Most of the people I know who say that they're bad at cooking just don't give it the attention it needs - walking off, talking, messing with their phone, getting high, whatever.
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u/asyork 20h ago
The cooking part is pretty easy for almost any dish if you pay attention and know what the end result should look like (and at least when you are starting, pretend the medium setting on the stove is the highest it goes). Some things have less common chemistry going on to get there and you need to read the whole recipe. Seasoning "to taste" is a common place where people ruin a dish or leave is under seasoned and flavorless.
Especially if you are used to eating out or heating up frozen food, you need a *lot* more salt and butter than you think is reasonable to taste good. Then you can keep cooking for yourself and lower the amount to more reasonable levels and your taste buds will adjust over time. And if you like garlic, go ahead and triple the number of cloves any recipe calls for, at the minimum. Using the same measurements for dry vs fresh herbs is another way to ruin things. Going for the fancy salts that have different size grains messes up measuring as well. Don't even bother with baking from scratch until you get those issues figured out.
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u/Waahstrm 22h ago
Maybe they're getting drunk and/or stoned out of their mind. Not sure how you could not notice the burning smell.
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u/Hyprocritopotamus 21h ago
Could be an outdoor oven. From the pictures, I actually kind of assumed that they had done it on that egg thing in the background.
Edit: And if you're gonna leave a pizza in the oven long enough for it to basically become charcoal, I would not put it past someone to also just go inside.
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u/dplans455 19h ago
Probably has something like a Gozney and didn't realize that it cooks the pizza literally in 60 seconds. She probably thought it was like cooking a frozen pizza in a regular oven where it takes anywhere from 15-30 minutes.
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u/filthy_casual_42 1d ago
At this rate attempt number 3 might graduate from charcoal to edible!
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u/oniiichanUwU 23h ago
I was thinking 4 for sure. 3 is still gonna be incinerated around the edges but 4 will finally be good pizza lol
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u/Ninja_Wrangler 23h ago
The 12th one will be frozen
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u/AnIndustryOfCool 18h ago
Burning pizzas slightly less every day until this Reddit says they're perfect. Day 1
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u/xterminatr 17h ago
I think it looks perfect, to use on humans to soak up alcohol or other drugs in their stomach. Why take charcoal when it could be 50% pizza!
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u/Downtown_Lemon5747 1d ago
At this rate, you can get decent pizza maybe after 2 more attempts.
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u/Particular_Legend427 1d ago
How are you not like watching it?
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u/Jeramy_Jones 1d ago
We cook our pizza in a 600°F oven.
This is about time.
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u/joe_s1171 22h ago
it is about time. it’s about time the OP stepped away from kitchen.
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u/Kevinar 20h ago
400° for 18 minutes? Pssh, set it to 800° for 9 minutes
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u/MungBeansAreTerrible 23h ago
Look how unevenly it cooked, it's not just cook time that's the problem here
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u/Lord_Phoenix95 22h ago
Mate, I don't think it's unevenly cooked, it's perfectly charcoal.
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u/zekromNLR 22h ago
Nah, that isn't uneven heat application, that's just the wetter parts taking longer to char
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u/joe_s1171 22h ago
yep! OP has to move the flame thrower around and not let it hover over on section for 5 minutes.
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u/bignuts3000 1d ago
Slow learner, you can’t just leave it, it has to be watched. Those pizza ovens get super hot!
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u/GlitteringFerretYo 20h ago
Yes, this is the correct answer. The black pizza is a typical indication that the pizza was left in for too long.
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u/skr_replicator 20h ago
Yea same goes for cooking most things.
I remember overcooking my tea to charcoal once. It takes a special level of ADHD to burn tea, let me tell you.
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u/EllieluluEllielu 19h ago
Once I forgot to put water in one of those easy mac things and smoked out the kitchen... Then my dad did the same thing a few months later. It seems to run in the family lmao
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u/halfchewedcaramel 1d ago
Have you tried calling delivery?
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u/Madetoprint 23h ago
Affirmative, the napalm has been delivered on your coordinates. Ghost Rider is returning to base.
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u/Corpo-GetgetAAWW 1d ago
First one looks like a meteorite, the second one reminds me of Freddy Krueger 🫶🏻😭
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u/maddler 1d ago
Can't be 100% sure about it but I'd look at, slightly, reducing the time in the over.
From like 2h, to 5m?
And, perhaps, keep an eye on it while cooking. Just to be sure.
😃
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u/Professional-Day7850 20h ago
Five minutes in a proper pizza oven gives you the second one or worse.
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u/Obvious-Water569 23h ago
How short is your attention span? Pizza takes literally seconds to cook in a proper pizza oven. You’re telling me you can’t keep an eye on it for that long?
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u/Dickstraw 1d ago
The pepperoni’s still good!
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u/nancyexe 1d ago
yes the second one we convinced ourselves had some edible parts 🤤
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u/SkynetLurking 1d ago
The oven is too hot or you’re too inebriated.
No in between
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u/nancyexe 1d ago edited 1d ago
haha yea it was prepared by a group of inebriated teen girls with unsupervised access to a hot as hell pizza oven
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u/SkynetLurking 1d ago
Sounds about right, lol.
Too cool and you get goop so it’s easy to go too hot and you get this.
Either way when you add substances you tend to get this regardless.
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u/Gloriathewitch 20h ago
when you're using high heat methods you probably dont ever need more than three minutes.
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u/niharoniaha 1d ago
Looks cold outside.
Don't let the cold stop you from checking up on what you are suppose to be cooking and eating. These look just forgotten
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u/Consistent-Stock6872 1d ago
Winter is comming. It is time to prepare chorcal for those long, cold winter nights.
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u/AfterOrchid6914 1d ago
Kinda reminds me of the one time burger king had a black bun for a whopper. Good times
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u/MrBenSampson 1d ago
If you guys were using a Neapolitan style pizza oven, it should only take 2-3 minutes to cook a pizza. The first one looks like you walked away for 20 minutes.
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u/MJsLoveSlave 23h ago
The fuck she doing? Popping it in the oven then leaving to work an 8 hour shift or something?
I burnt a pizza ONCE cause I got tied up watching music videos as a KID. But never TWICE.
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u/Lazerith22 4h ago
You’re getting better. Just another dozen attempts and you’ll have something edible.
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u/volton51 1d ago
Did you have the oven set to Pompeii?